I believe that everyone has two sides to their life. There are the pleasant memories and the not so pleasant ones. Even in the most unhappy of childhoods there will be moments of laughter and joy, if for no other reason, than they were the moments that were less painful.
The other night I wrote an entry of things I remembered from my childhood. It was a fun list and many of the items were from my family's once a year "vacation" to visit my mother's family 1,500 miles away. Wish we could have gone there more often. It was a time where my mother was happy with her friends and extended family. She never quite adjusted to marrying a Southern and being uprooted. But that was only part of what made her unhappy.
As I created my happy list I was glad to recall the fun times I had as a child but I also thought, "There is that other list I could make. Boy, would it be a different picture!!" Things were difficult to say the least in my house. Not the Sybil, multiple personality, kind of trauma, but the painful, daily events that shaped my one personality.
[When I originally posted this entry, I went on to write about six events from my childhood that were traumatic for me at the time. It was very cathartic to put it in writing but I have since removed that portion since it cast a negative shadow over what I prefer to keep an upbeat journal.]
There is no need for me to dig up the debris I remember. Suffice it to say that that none of us are unscathed and while someone may have some happy memories scattered throughout their childhood, they may have just as many painful ones. We each have to make a conscious decision how we will allow those events to effect us as adults. I hope my experience made me a better parent since I was determined to raise my own children differently.
So, when I look back, I try to pretend that we were always on vacation.
8 comments:
Aww your childhood had some bad stuff too. Well mine was mostly bad, as my dad is a schizophrenic/autistic/religious zeolot (sp?) I told Robin I am writing my memoir as therapy and I mean it. I think sometimes you have to explain it or write it or tell it, in order to move past it and be thankful. I know that sounds idiotic, because how can I be thankful for my childhood. Well I can and I am, but it still scarred me for life.
I wonder if your mom every rinsed her own hair in cold water to close her pores??? Sheesh. My dad is also in denial. When I confronted him a few years ago he told me not to dwell on the past and to be positive. I told him, I am doing that but its interesting that you, Mr. Negative, is telling me to be positive!!! I dont speak to him anymore and its helped me to be more positive for sure! My mom was also in denial and she died at 55 with her denial in place. Oh well.
awwww I'm sorry to hear your sad memories..... I really am
hugs
d
Yeah, me too. Some people should not have been parents.
xoxo
Congrats on your win, great job!
Hi Donna; I used to follow your journal years ago; didn't realize you were back on AOL (I also took a 15-month break due to family problems)
I just popped over to say congratulations on winning the weeky caption game over at Magic Smoke; that was a cute caption, Fifi will learn, I'm sure, to make sure mom takes those meds of hers
I'm sorry you had a difficult childhood, but I'm glad you moved beyond it to learn how and what not to do when you had children of your own; my husband's parents were similar as far as daily punishments and other such things; his brother was so afraid he would be like that if he had kids that when he got married, he decided not to have them; my husband wanted to raise kids and worked through issues he had from growing up and raised our kids differently; his brother wishes at times he had had the courage to have done the same (he's 56 so he's not thinking this would be a good time to raise a child)
take care of yourself,
betty
Hello Donna,
I came by your journal from Krissy and to congratulate you on winning this week. I too have just purchased a digital camera a couple of months ago. Now all I have to do is learn how to utilize all the wonderful settings it offers. I'm looking to take a class for digital photography come the fall.I opted for the Cannon myself but I do believe they are both fantastic cameras. It certaintly sounds like you have come to terms with your pain from the past and moved on to a loving life for you and your children. Again, congrats on winning this week.
Nancy
Congratulations on winning this week's Caption game.
All of us have some bad memories of our childhood, but I have to say that it sounds like you had a very rough time of it. I think it's remarkable that you seem to have grown up a happy person despite what you went through. It is good that your dad has owned to his part in it and that you were able to come to some terms on it, but it's sad that your mother is in denial. I wonder if she was raised very similarly.
Lori
acknowledging the real past is much better then repeating it.
again, thanks for stopping by. i read all kinds of blogs and know that there isn't always sunshine in everyone's lives. it's what we do about the shadows that makes us who we are today.
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