Weekend Assignment #80 Sharing A Joke

Mr. Scalzi over at By the Way has thrown out a challenge and I am picking up the gauntlet.

Weekend Assignment #80: Share a favorite joke. Keep it clean, of course. Otherwise, go nuts.

Extra credit: Seriously: Do people think you're funny?

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

 

Yep. I find that funny.  Go figure.

Extra credit:  People do say they find me funny, funee, fuuny, finny, and occasionally amusing.  Oddly enough, I cannot retain jokes in my memory to save my neck.  And, if by chance I do recall a punchline I just do not have the timing to re-tell it well.  Now, recount a story and cause you to rush cross-legged to the bathroom - that I can do!

Yep. There is a perfectionist under this rock.

Thanks to new mom, Emily at Emily's Purple Pages for this link. I thought my results would match Emily's but they don't.  She gets to be "Artistic and Passionate." 

 Your Blogging Type is Confident and Insightful

                                                

Hey, this is me with just one chin!  Cool.

You've got a ton of brain power, and you leverage it into brilliant blog.

I like this.  If it wasn't so positive, of course, I would have acted as though I never saw the Blogthing personality test! 

Both creative and logical, you come up with amazing ideas and insights.

And more than a little borrowing from others!

A total perfectionist, you find yourself revising and rewriting posts a lot of the time.

This is soooo true.  I would have posted twice as many entries if I didn't spend so much time futzing around, trying to get it perfect!!

You blog for yourself - and you don't care how popular (or unpopular) your blog is!

This is not true.  I do care about how my journal is perceived by others.  I have been very lucky that no one has taken a serious shot at me yet. And, I hold my tongue as much as possible to keep it light.  There are plenty of other blogs with a serious intent. 

What's Your Blogging Personality?

The "I"s Have It

While others may not like them, I enjoy participating in most memes. Here I have been tagged by jerroldssis over at It's All About Me I Think.

I'm going to do this and then tag some of you.  Here goes:

*I AM: old enough to sleep alone but young enough to not want to.

*I WANT: to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  (Okay, so my baby is 25.  What's your point??!!)

*I HAVE: remained friends with my ex-boyfriends.

*I WISH: my kids did not have divorced parents.

*I HATE: that I never finished my masters degree.

*I MISS: my waistline.

*I FEAR: growing old alone.

*I HEAR: there is a big sale at Hobby Lobby.

*I WONDER: why juries won't convict famous people.

*I LOVE: to listen to my daughter sing.

*I ALWAYS: find something to laugh about.

*I AM NOT: afraid to speak in front of a large crowd.

*I AM NOT ALWAYS: sure of the answer, but I am always sure of my opinion.

*I NEED: a live-in maid, masseur, and hair stylist.  I will do the cooking myself.

*I SHOULD: be more disciplined.

Alright, I'm going to start taggin'...and if I've I missed someone and you come upon this, feel free to do it, too!  Be sure to leave a link in my comments section so we can see who was the most honest, funny, open, immature, or sincere.

Enjoy! 

I just realized I am NOT Demi Moore

This happens every now and then.  I have another screen name, with a profile, and sometimes when I am on that screen name, I will get IM'd by some guy trying to strike up a conversation.  If you have been married for a while, or single and never "chatted" online, you will not be able to relate.  But, it is part of the dating scene for me in the 21st century.  For several months now, I have had little to no interest in dating.  I broke up with someone early this year and I am currently very content without the drama in my life.  I have gone out a few times in recent months but it never turns out the way I want so it just does not seem worth the effort.  I'm certain my mood will change but for now.....

I digress.  So, I'm sitting here, reading the latest on AOL news and thinking about purchasing Brad and Jen's house if they will drop the price from $28 mil, and I get an IM. I'm savvy enough to know that anyone can put anything on a profile and they frequently do.  I'm always curious when I am IMd and I immediately check for the profile.  No profile - no response.  Period.  But this guy has indicated that he lives in the same metropolitan city as me, is divorced, and his occupation is "doctor."  Whatever. He's also listed several things he enjoys that we have in common so I accept the IM and reply.

Exchange pleasantries and after making a joke or two and getting a response that he likes me  "U R funee"  I ask him how old he is.  He says 32.  BUZZZZ.  Wrong answer, but thank you for playing and enjoy these lovely parting gifts. 

Why?  Because I am 50 (see "middle aged" reference in All About Me) and I enjoy spending time with someone who can relate to things within at least a decade of me.  He was born about the time I graduated from high school!!  He never knew The Beatles like I knew the Beatles.  He thinks of Goldie Hawn as Kate Hudson's mom, not the ditzy blonde from Laugh-In.

So, I politely tell him that I'm 50 to which he immediately responds "Great!  I like mature women."  Oh, boy!  How many times haveI had that one tossed at me?  He has no idea.  I can be verrry immature.  I play stupid practical jokes.  I tell corny stories.  I get the giggles at inappropriate times.  I react poorly in heavy traffic.  (I knew what he meant. And, while this age difference may work for some, it has not worked for me.)

But, in spite of my undercurrent of negativity, he plows forward.  I use humor to diffuse the situation making a comment to the effect that I have a cut off age of 42.  I use that number because that was the age of the youngest man I have dated in recent years that I enjoyed.  (Edit: I have dated much younger men but in my case the differences were too great for it to be enjoyable longterm.)  And, that was because he was an old soul with the heart of a poet and a deep, mellow voice and muscles like a young Mr. Clean.  Hmmmmm .... But that's another journal entry.  I digress.  

Undaunted, the "doctor" assures me that "It is all a state of mind."  Maybe, but my mind is made up.  "Sorry, Charlie" is my not so clever response. His name is not Charlie.  All of this repartee is happening much quicker than it takes to re-tell it here. Something dawns on me and I ask, "Do you even know what commercial the phrase 'Sorry, Charlie' comes from?" 

Long pause. 

Me:  "Are you googling for the answer?" 

Him:  "Noooooo.  You really are fuuny!"  That's twice now he has misspelled funny but he still does not answer my question.  He throws out another compliment.

This is why I do not date guys young enough to date my daughter (if she were still single).  They cannot relate to my experiences in life.  My wealth of cultural trivia covering over four decades.  Time with me is an E-Ticket ride and they have probably never even heard of E-Tickets!

I thanked him for his kind words but let him know I was really not interested in chatting further.  "BTW.  It was a Starkist Tuna commercial.   Sorry, Charlie.  Only the freshest tuna get to be star kissed." 

Him:  "U R finny."

An editorial addition

In my Saturday Six from Patrick's Place, one of the questions was to include your favorite passage from a literary work.  Well, I could not recall it all from memory but I have now found it.  I love it so much I felt it deserved an entry all to itself.  It is from the funeral scene in "Out of Africa," starring Meryl Streep and Robert Redford. It can still bring tears to my eyes.  Sigh ...... Nobody does it better than Meryl in my book!

                                     

From A SHROPSHIRE LAD: XIX TO AN ATHLETE DYING YOUNG by A. E. Housman (1859-1936) (Poem written in honor of those slain in the Boer War.)
 

"The time you won your town the race /We chaired you through the market-place; /Man and boy stood cheering by, /And home we brought you shoulder-high...

Smart lad, to slip betimes away /From fields where glory does not stay /And early though the laurel grows /It withers quicker than the rose...

Now you will not swell the rout /Of lads that wore their honours out, /Runners whom renown outran /And the name died before the man...

And round that early-laurelled head /Will flock to gaze the strengthless dead, /And find unwithered on its curls /The garland briefer than a girl's."

The (fictional)script written for the movie gives Meryl Streep the further comments:

"Now take back the soul of Denys George Finch Hatton, whom You have shared with us. He brought us joy...we loved him well.

He was not ours.

He was not mine."

The Sunday Seven Episode 5 at Patrick's Place

Join in the fun here for instructions.

THIS WEEK'S QUESTION:
Take a look at your immediate surroundings.  Not counting your computer, printer, other hardware, software or cables, name seven non-computer things that are on your computer table.

1.  Bottle of water - WalMart's Sam's Choice White Grape - yummy!

2.  Dictionary

3.  Stack of mail and various printouts

4.  Misc. photo CDs

5.  Pair of silver/onyx earrings

6.  3 packages of Arby's Horsey Sauce (Who left these here??)

7.  Box of thank you notes (for sending via snail mail)

 

The Saturday Six - Episode 77

It is that time of week again.  Time for Patrick's Saturday Six.  Join us.  It is fun! 

1. How many AOL J-landers have you actually met in person?

None.

2. How many photos that you have taken yourself are hanging on display in your home in a size of 8x10 or larger?  (The print, not the frame!)

None.  2 for 2 so far. 

3. How far do you live from your job?  What is your commute time like?  Has the distance prompted you to consider alternative transportation because of gas prices?

I currently live 40 miles from my new job.  I am moving next month to an apartment that will be three minutes from the office. It will be like giving myself a raise!

4. Take this quiz:   What decade does your personality live in?

5. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #70 from Kris:  What is the funniest, most original Halloween costume you've ever seen?

Last year one of my co-workers came to work dressed all in white wearing white, frosty makeup.  She carried two sticks and a baggie filled with water.  Also, in the baggie was a carrot, a pair of gloves, and some rocks.  Turns out she was a melted snowman.

6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #71 from Courtenay: What is your favorite paragraph in a literary work?  This might be a thought, or a message, or a descriptive passage which has remained in your consciousness throughout the years.  Be sure to post the name of the book and author.

I've got to go find it.  It is the poem Meryl Streep read at Robert Redford's funeral in the movie "Out of Africa."  The last line says, "He was not ours...... He was not mine."  Then she tries to drop the handful of dirt into the grave but her hand just shakes, she can't let go and she turns and walks away.  Can you tell that scene made an impression on me??