I just realized I am NOT Demi Moore

This happens every now and then.  I have another screen name, with a profile, and sometimes when I am on that screen name, I will get IM'd by some guy trying to strike up a conversation.  If you have been married for a while, or single and never "chatted" online, you will not be able to relate.  But, it is part of the dating scene for me in the 21st century.  For several months now, I have had little to no interest in dating.  I broke up with someone early this year and I am currently very content without the drama in my life.  I have gone out a few times in recent months but it never turns out the way I want so it just does not seem worth the effort.  I'm certain my mood will change but for now.....

I digress.  So, I'm sitting here, reading the latest on AOL news and thinking about purchasing Brad and Jen's house if they will drop the price from $28 mil, and I get an IM. I'm savvy enough to know that anyone can put anything on a profile and they frequently do.  I'm always curious when I am IMd and I immediately check for the profile.  No profile - no response.  Period.  But this guy has indicated that he lives in the same metropolitan city as me, is divorced, and his occupation is "doctor."  Whatever. He's also listed several things he enjoys that we have in common so I accept the IM and reply.

Exchange pleasantries and after making a joke or two and getting a response that he likes me  "U R funee"  I ask him how old he is.  He says 32.  BUZZZZ.  Wrong answer, but thank you for playing and enjoy these lovely parting gifts. 

Why?  Because I am 50 (see "middle aged" reference in All About Me) and I enjoy spending time with someone who can relate to things within at least a decade of me.  He was born about the time I graduated from high school!!  He never knew The Beatles like I knew the Beatles.  He thinks of Goldie Hawn as Kate Hudson's mom, not the ditzy blonde from Laugh-In.

So, I politely tell him that I'm 50 to which he immediately responds "Great!  I like mature women."  Oh, boy!  How many times haveI had that one tossed at me?  He has no idea.  I can be verrry immature.  I play stupid practical jokes.  I tell corny stories.  I get the giggles at inappropriate times.  I react poorly in heavy traffic.  (I knew what he meant. And, while this age difference may work for some, it has not worked for me.)

But, in spite of my undercurrent of negativity, he plows forward.  I use humor to diffuse the situation making a comment to the effect that I have a cut off age of 42.  I use that number because that was the age of the youngest man I have dated in recent years that I enjoyed.  (Edit: I have dated much younger men but in my case the differences were too great for it to be enjoyable longterm.)  And, that was because he was an old soul with the heart of a poet and a deep, mellow voice and muscles like a young Mr. Clean.  Hmmmmm .... But that's another journal entry.  I digress.  

Undaunted, the "doctor" assures me that "It is all a state of mind."  Maybe, but my mind is made up.  "Sorry, Charlie" is my not so clever response. His name is not Charlie.  All of this repartee is happening much quicker than it takes to re-tell it here. Something dawns on me and I ask, "Do you even know what commercial the phrase 'Sorry, Charlie' comes from?" 

Long pause. 

Me:  "Are you googling for the answer?" 

Him:  "Noooooo.  You really are fuuny!"  That's twice now he has misspelled funny but he still does not answer my question.  He throws out another compliment.

This is why I do not date guys young enough to date my daughter (if she were still single).  They cannot relate to my experiences in life.  My wealth of cultural trivia covering over four decades.  Time with me is an E-Ticket ride and they have probably never even heard of E-Tickets!

I thanked him for his kind words but let him know I was really not interested in chatting further.  "BTW.  It was a Starkist Tuna commercial.   Sorry, Charlie.  Only the freshest tuna get to be star kissed." 

Him:  "U R finny."